I’m a rational woman, really I am.
Honest. I have nearly 52 years experience with “rational”… but today, I staked out a car from a Tim Horton’s parking lot, caught a glimpse of “Sonic Blue” as it headed to the highway, and then, like some sort of crazy person, I TOO JUMPED ON THE HIGHWAY to tail it! … at a distance, of course, at least that’s what I told myself… I wasn’t going to get “too” close. I didn’t want to be “seen”. And I drove, and drove, and DROVE…. close to 80 mph before putting myself in check, and realizing that it was OK if I didn’t see the “sonic blue” Escape for a couple of days. It was OK that he had put “just the bare necessities” in the back. This included, by the way, his IKEA mattress (rolled up and tied), his Bronco’s flag (neatly appointed), and a guitar.
“Do you have enough underwear?” I asked. (necessities, right?)
“Don’t worry, Mom, I’ve got this.”
So, if you happened to be travelling northbound on I-675 today around 7:30PM, you may have caught a glimpse of me clutching the wheel, straining my neck, I would have been muttering ‘just one more hill, and I’ll see him again.’…oh, and I was crying, and breathing through my mouth because when I cry…. I REALLY CRY… That ugly, can’t hide it, puffy-eyed, snotty cry….
I got off ten miles after I started, and began the return trip home. Tears that refused to be denied running down my face, and I drove the rest of the way home thinking I was an irrational loon. Who does this? I had driven to the gas station with him to fill up his tank…. we hugged again, I handed him a little cash “Chipotle money” and kissed him on his cheek. I got in my car, waved and left first….. (only to drive across the street to the Tim Horton’s to wait for him to ‘drive past’…. )
And then I lost my marbles.
He’s safe at his buddies’ house in Columbus (3 text messages in the last few hours prove it). He’ll be job-hunting tomorrow (he promises more text messages, as new information warrants).
Those moments this evening that caught me unawares, were a repeat of feelings I had nearly 23 years ago…. I decided then to trust The Universe and walk in a path of honesty with this little bundle.
If I didn’t know what to do, I told him. If I did know what to do… I told him.
So, now, I don’t know what the Future holds for you, Son. I didn’t know then, and haven’t a clue about it now. But I do know that if you walk with Integrity and Honesty. If you live your life in the Light, it will all work out the way it’s supposed to. It’s worked out OK so far.
If you need to come back to regroup, that’s cool. If you don’t come back except to visit , that’s cool too.
Listen to your Heart.
Trust your Gut.
Follow your Bliss.
Live with Passion.
I love you.